I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
