Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
3pm strippers are depressing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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