rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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