i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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