Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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