I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ladies don't puke and tell
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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