Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
