Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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