Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
