Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
