I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
