John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
