So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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