Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
try to milk me bitch
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