My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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