yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
