Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
