shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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