So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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