i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My pussy is not your playground.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
