On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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