It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
