come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
