Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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