I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
