Yo dont text me then not text me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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