Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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