You're earring is so big in my mouth
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
