put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
