wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
