2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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