At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize