I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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