she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
