Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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