I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
