It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize