I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
