Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
