Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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