idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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