just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
