Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
