You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
