Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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