If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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