I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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