i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize