its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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