The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
