You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
