You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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