So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
