Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
