Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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