I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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