shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There are leaves in my underwear?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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