all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He passed out mid-signature
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
