i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
