apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
