This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
