i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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