i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
