I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
