Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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