dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When are your genitals available?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
