Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
