Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
