Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
