I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
