my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
