I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
