Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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