so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
