she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
