That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize