On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so itβs kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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