I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
