I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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