so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
