I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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