WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
