Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
