i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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