you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
