Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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