why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
