don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
