i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize