it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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