atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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