what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
