Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
